Dear Girlshrink,
I don't know what happened, but I think I haven't been attracted to my girl for at least a year. Maybe more. I love her. And she is not ugly. But I don't desire her any longer. There were things about her (like her thighs) that I kind of overlooked in the beginning but now they are really obvious to me. I don't want to have sex with her but how long can I put it off? I'm going to have to break up with her but I feel guilty about doing it. Maybe a woman like you can tell me what to say to her.
Javier,
New York City

Dear Javier,
Has it ever occurred to you that the reason why you are not attracted to your girlfriend anymore has something to do with you and not her? It's very easy to assume that the reason why you are not sexually active with your partner is because she has suddenly become unattractive to you. And while it's true that many of us (both men and women) can let ourselves go when we are in long-term relationships -- that doesn't sound like the case her. At least you didn't mention anything about that.

It sounds like she is the same woman you fell in love with -- but perhaps you are the one who has done the changing. And there could be reasons for that...

1. Depending on your age, you could be suffering from a low libido

2. You may be bored with the type of sex you are having

3. You may be angry at her for something that you haven't talked about today

4. You may have subconsciously allowed her to become a "mother" figure in your life instead of a lover. This is very common.

5. There are things going on outside of the bedroom that are turning you off

6. You may have put her on a pedestal in the beginning of the relationship, but since realized she is a regular human being.

And I could go on and on. But those are some things for you to at least take a look at before you write off the entire relationship. If you find that there are no underlying circumstances and that you just can't be with her any longer -- then the only way out is to stand up and tell her the truth. The truth being that the relationship is over for you. And say this -- in the most kind and loving way that a friend would.

Much Success!

Dear Readers,

Today I'm flipping the script and asking you a question! Can you find true love in high school or is everyone so immature that true love cannot be found and/or sustained at that age?

Think back (if you can remember!) Were you in love with someone in high school? Or were you in Disney™ Love?

Dear GirlShrink,

Am I a snob? My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for two months. I like him a lot. We're not young. And this is the first relationship I've been in since my divorce. We have a problem having conversations though. I mean a lot of things that he says are not intelligent. I like CNN. And he likes those Japanese cartoons. It embarrasses me when we are in front of my family and friends. I don't want people to think that I have started dating beneath me. But I'm not ready to dump him over this. What do I do?

Joan, Chatanooga, TN.

Dear Joan,
Well you are being a little bit snobbish. Or may I say particular. And honestly I don't see anything wrong with that if you are going to live by your own snobbish rules. If you rather date men who can talk politics and not embarrass you in front of friends and family - then that's who you should choose. But to choose someone who doesn't possess those qualities, and then "bash" him for it, is not the smartest decision made by YOU. Live by your standards. Don't go beyond those standards and then ask someone what should you do? Does that make sense?

While I hear that you haven't been in a relationship for a long time -- and see that this is why you probably have made a decision to enter into a relationship with this man -- you will either have to let this man go and wait until you meet someone who you have more in common with. OR...

You can decide that you can change what you normally go for, not hold it against him, and enjoy the relationship for what it is. The only person's opinion that matters right now is yours. If you see something wonderful about this man - who cares what others think. Even if he slips up in front of company.

Ask yourself what is more important. Companionship or Family Wide Approval? Let me know how it turns out!

-GirlShrink

Dear GirlShrink,
I'm not sure if I'm a little crazy, but I don't trust my boyfriend and my best friend around each other. I mean I have read all the women's magazine articles and stuff about not trusting women around your men -- because it's so hard out here for everyone. But I spend so much time with both of them, that I sometimes our time together overlaps. Especially because my friend is not in a relationship right now. And I think that she may be attracted to my boyfriend -- because we both kind of saw him at the same time. But it was me that he approached. I don't know, I don't want to hurt her. What should I do?
Karen,
Alabama

Dear Karen,
Trust your instincts. But don't get ridiculous about it. You may want to be selective about how you spend your time with each person. When you are with your boyfriend - let it be just time with him - or let it be a "group" event. Threesomes rarely work. You don't have to tell anyone - anything about how you feel. Just maneuver it that you spend time with each one separately. It could be that you are spending a LOT of time with your new boyfriend and your best friend feels like this is the only time she can get in with you -- with the three of you together.

It could be that she is a little envious of your relationship, because she isn't in one. But that's normal. And while she may be attracted to your boyfriend -- doesn't mean she'll act on it. Or that he will for that matter.

Just make choices that make sense. Don't go overboard either way on this. And things should go fine.

Dear GirlShrink,
This may sound a little bit skanky -- but it really could happen to anyone. I am dating a great guy and have been for about 3 months. While that it isn't really such a long time, we have really connected. But my ex found out and came to visit me about 7 weeks ago, trying to convince me that he had changed and that he knew stuff about the new guy that I needed to know.

He ended up telling me something that the guy already told me, so I wasn't surprised, but I was in love with him once -- so I slept with him. He just seemed to serious about wanting me back - I was kind of flattered.

He still wants me back. Calls me everyday. But I am still dating the new guy. Bottom line here is that I'm pregnant and I slept with both of them within days of each other. I don't know who the father is. If it's my ex's - I don't want it. It would only escalate our issues. If it's the new guy's...maybe. Also - just to add I'm 27 and I have a great job. I could take care of the baby by myself. I just want the right dad.
Tonya,
Louisiana

Dear Tonya,
Yes, this could possibly happen to anyone - and has a million times - or there wouldn't be talk shows who stay on television by taking paternity tests! So I hear you. But of course -- I must ask why you didn't have enough forethought to use protection when having sex. Especially when you are having sex with multiple partners. Especially when you are not in a committed relationship with either of them right now. One is out the door and one just got invited in!

Please use protection! Now having said that, the fact that you don't want your ex's baby is irrelevant at this point if you don't plan on having an abortion. Because at this point you have a 50/50 chance of that being the case.

What you need to think about at this point - is NOT the father. And think about the mother. Do you want this baby? Even if it is Ronald Mcdonald's Kid! Can you step up and take the full-time responsibility of being a mother. It sounds like you can. And so that's what you need to worry about. The father is going to be whoever it is. And you when you find that out, you just need to make sure that you work hard to include him in your child's life. Regardless of who he is. Regardless of whether or not you are together with him. Regardless of whether or not he gets on your nerves. As long as your safety is not an issue -- either man has the right and morally has the duty to be in your child's life.

I think the other issue here is that you think once you tell the new guy about what happened that he won't be interested in you anymore...or that he'll be very angry...and that could happen. But you know what -- you can't worry about that now. Get the hard part over with now and tell both of them - so that you're not hurting someone much worse once the baby is already born. It's a hard pill to swallow, because they may not be there for your during your pregnancy. They may be angry OR it could be that they both fight for you that much harder. Who knows. Just tell the truth now so you can have a stress-free pregnancy and get that weight off of your shoulder.

Dear GirlShrink,
My husband has had herpes for a few years now. He got it in his previous relationship and when he told me, I was so in love with him that I didn't care. I told him that it was fine. Now that I'm married to him -- and time has passed, I don't want to perform oral sex. I don't want to do anything---risky. He thinks I'm just getting boring, but I think I resent the fact that he has this disease. I feel dirty. I don't want to get it. What should I say to him?
Dalia
Connecticut

Dear Dalia,
I'm sure you have already thought it, but I need to say it, you never really dealt with your husband's situation. And now you are actually processing it - a few years too late! The truth is that 1 out of 4 women has herpes and 1 out of 5 Americans has herpes. Your husband is not alone out there. Truth is - even if you hadn't stuck it out with him and met someone else, he may have had it too. It's much more common then you think because 80% of infected people don't even know they have it.

Try to think of your husband having chicken pox (which is what herpes is) in his genital area on occasion. He is not dirty. He just became a statistic. And he is still the man you fell in love with. Beyond the std, he is still who were madly in love with and you need to remember that.

Another thing you should consider is talking with your husband about this. Also, it probably would make some sense to talk to your gynecologist about this as well. Get some suggestions about how you can still enjoy sex safely with your husband. The talk may also give you a bit more peace of mind about it as well.

Sure you may be slow on processing this...but it's not the end of the world. Remember who you are married to. Remember why you fell in love. And keep communicating. You will find your way through this.

Dear GirlShrink,
My husband wants me to quit a job I've had as a medical assistant for about 2 years because he didn't like that my boss made me come into work when my husband had surgery last month. My husband could not really take care of himself the first few days and needed my help, but my boss said no. So I went to work. Now I like my job. And we need the money. But I don't want to ruin my marriage. What should I do - pick my job or my husband?
C.E., Los Angeles, CA

Dear Friend,
Unfortunately, many of us have jobs with management who could care less about our personal circumstances at home. Or they can't afford to care because then everyone would need the day off in the name of a personal situation. While I understand how your husband felt abandoned, I don't think that he had really realistic expectations of what you could or could not do at your job. And honestly, in these economic times - a job is something that you need to hold onto. Especially one you like. No - I would not quit the job. And I would tell your husband that he needs to change his expectations and realize that most workplaces are not that accommodating to personal requests. Finally - if the situation ever arises again - I would try to schedule elective surgeries around holiday breaks or if it was an emergency - I would try to elicit the help of a family member or friend.